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Scott Morrison has said that a job is a “prescription” for young people with mental health problems.
“Instead of medication try working in retail! How could anyone be suicidal when working in such a rewarding job as retail? You get to help out people of all sorts of walks of life…and temperament… find the products they’re looking for.” Morrison nodded enthusiastically.
“Instead of therapy and talking about feelings try repetitively making fast food until you dream of burgers… when you close your eyes you will hear the garbled voice of the drive through saying “I’d like a happy meal please, and do you still have those Minions toys in stock? I’m collecting them”, give yourself completely over to McDonalds… McDonalds is your friend now. Confide in it and only it. That’s my advice from your fiendly Neighbourhood Morrison.”
“Don’t you mean “friendly”?” asked a confused journalist.
“Nope!” Morrison punched someone on his way out and screamed “I have the proportionate strength and speed of an asshole!”